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Emotional Management Techniques

Appreciation & Connection

Feeling appreciation is the fastest and most powerful way to experience the flow of connection between yourself and the person, object or issue that you are appreciating.

It dissolves barriers, lifts your spirits and energises your relationships. 

When you appreciate something with sincerity you access and activate your heart energy. Heart energy brings order and coherence to the body and mind.  It sends out energy that affects the physiology and health of the body, the way we perceive situations, the way we feel, the decisions we make and how we behave.  The heart energy is light and full of lightness - it makes you see the world in a different light.

Connection with yourself and others is a fundamental need for the health of your body and mind. 

Every change in our physiological state is mirrored by a shift in our emotional state; every change in our emotional state is mirrored by a change in our physiological state.

Emotions are messages from your body-mind telling you something you need to hear. Emotions are not good or bad.

Emotions are there to be acknowledged, accepted and should be allowed to pass through and out of your awareness. 

Sometimes you need help in discharging the emotions out of your body e.g. by physical activity, sharing your thoughts or using energy medicine.  When you ignore aspects of your body or mind health, you block the connection to that part of yourself. 

Behaviours such as criticism, ignoring, interrupting, insincerity, disrespect, defensiveness, ignoring love, self-reliance and separateness block your connections to others. 

To improve your connection to yourself try developing your emotional awareness, using Energy Medicine and looking at your Human Givens.

To improve your connection to others try attentive listening and active appreciation (I find that the better your connection to others, the easier you will find it to connect to yourself).

Active Appreciation

Phone or email a friend that you haven’t connected with for a while. Ask them how they are and listen. Enjoy some good memories with them. Share your activities and plans with them.

Spend time in nature and fully appreciate your surroundings, what you can see, hear and feel. Keep your mind in the present; by staying present and contemplating the objects and beings around us, feeling their rhythms, allows us to touch the rhythm of ourselves. The life around us and our very life.

Practise appreciation: as you go through your day offer random acts or remarks of appreciation to people you meet.  Keep them short, relevant and genuine (sometimes, at first, you may feel that you are not being genuine or sincere, that you are forcing yourself; but just do it - it will become easier very quickly).

Appreciate yourself. Write down 15 things you appreciate about yourself.  Take a few moments each day to appreciate yourself, your qualities, achievements, body and life.

Appreciate your partner. A relationship is a separate entity formed of your energy ad that of your partner. To stay alive and grow it needs constant attention and nourishment.  Relationships need to be tended to, developed and constantly infused with creativity and aliveness.  Do not make the excuse of waiting for your partner  (or friend) to appreciate you.

Appreciate your partner’s special qualities and say a few words to them to show your recognition and appreciation.

Appreciate your partner’s helpful actions that makes life easier for you that may be you take for granted and tell them.

Appreciate the way your partner looks and tell them.

Appreciate your partner’s accomplishments and tell them how you admire them.

Appreciate what you have learned from being in a relationship with your partner and tell them.

Ask you partner if there is a particular mark of appreciation that they would enjoy e.g. giving flowers, saying “I love you”, making them a cup of tea without asking for one, complimenting on how they look, calling them from work just to see how they are.

Identify a situation that is troubling you. Write down your perspective as you see it and notice how it makes you feel.  Now write down three reasons to be thankful for the situation and notice how these make you feel (you don’t have to believe these perspectives, just recognise that they exist). When our thinking gets stuck in a rut, issues and problems can appear insurmountable. However, by deliberately exploring different perspectives through appreciation, we can gently rock ourselves out of a rut.

Attentive Listening

Have a genuine intention to listen to the person you are with.

See this as an opportunity to learn something from them.

Breathe deeply and allow your body to softly  mimic theirs. Orientate your body to them, keep relaxed eye contact, nod your head gently and match their physical movements and tonality of voice. This may seem awkward and artificial at first, but it will come naturally with time and practice.

Ask questions that get them to go deeper into the subject that they are talking about.

Emotional Awareness

Write down a list of five emotionally traumatic and stressful events or experiences that you would like to be free of.

Once you have written them all down, spend a few moments with each, close your eyes, breathe deeply and become aware of what you are feeling and where you are feeling it. You can stop getting caught up in the emotions by commenting (silently or out loud) on what your experiencing.

Once you have finished (it may only take a few seconds), turn your attention to the next one and repeat the exercise.

Now write down a list of five good or happy memories, events or experiences.

In the same way, take each in turn and become aware of what you are feeling and where you are feeling it.

You may want to follow this with Energy Medicine such as QiGong or EmoTrance


A self-help method to deactivate emotional trauma and help trapped trauma leave your mind-body.

Think of a statement, fact, thought or criticism that causes you to feel upset or to feel negative emotions. This could be a person or a phrase that upsets you such as ‘you are fat’, ‘you are bad’, ‘you are useless’, ‘you disappoint me’.

Write this issue down on a piece of paper, turn it over, take a deep breath, then turn it back over and read it again.  Allow yourself to feel any emotions. (If you don’t feel anything, choose another issue).

Pay close attention to where you feel the emotion in your body.  If there is more than one site, choose the one that feels it the strongest.  What you are feeling is trapped energy (or emotion) that wants to move.

If you can, gently place your hands on that area and get a sense of in which direction the energy wants to go.  If you don’t get an immediate direction, start massaging the area with your hands whilst holding the intention of softening the area and the energy ( think of it as when a solid softens it becomes more liquid and flows more easily).

When the energy starts to move (which it will do), get a feel for through which part of your body it wants to exit.  This can be any location (top of head, ears, mouth, nose, hands, feet) at all.  If its not obvious which exit route it wants to take, just be patient and continue softening it until it starts exiting your body.

Allow all of the energy to exit your body.  If it appears to get stuck, gently rub that area or trace the route you feel its wants to take with one of your hands.

More often than not, there will be residual energy (emotion) in your body, so to make sure that all of the emotional charge has dissipated and been deactivated, repeat the whole procedure again (starting from step 3).

Keep repeating (on average it takes two to three cycles) until you feel no unpleasant sensations at all.

Now breathe in the issue deeply, breath it all the way up the length of your body and out through the top of your head.  If you feel lighter, more energised and much clearer around the issue, then you have successfully deactivated the emotional trauma.

Take a moment to consider how this experience will change your behaviour and the way you feel about the issue.

Energy Medicine

Breathing energy

E.g. Good Breathing technique, Tai Chi, Yogic breathing, Feet Breathing

Bates Method to relaxation and better eyesight

E.g. palming, field of vision

QiGong Healing Energy


Chakra Balancing

Bach Flower remedies or Origins Peace of Mind Sensory Therapy ointment are useful in assisting your body-mind to find a healthy balance.

Some thoughts on Belief Systems